I know what you’re thinking, “Amelia, isn’t this Thursday
another round of chemo for you? Why aren’t you in bed wishing for death and
trying not to vomit?” First of all, congrats for following my treatment
schedule so closely, not even my brother does that! (Hi Moses, you’re a good
brother and I love you even with our family’s charming inability to
plan/read/follow schedules.) Secondly, today was supposed to be my final round
of A.C. chemo treatments. Yet here I sit, perfectly comfortable with hardly a
med in my body. It is a very good thing, so let me explain.
The day before scheduled treatments I always have some blood
work done and meet with my oncologist. Since chemo drugs just wreak havoc on
the body, my oncologist closely monitors the levels of important things (like
white blood cell count) in my body. It’s also a good time to check in with the
doctor, see what meds are working, what’s not going well, and hopefully fix any
issues I might be having with the whole process. I’ve gone to these meetings
with some of my support team, but I’ve also gone by myself as well, so it’s not
too big of a deal for me. At this point in the chemo cycle I’m off most, if not
all, of my anti nausea drugs so I do have the ability to drive myself (it’s very
exciting), so going solo is a perfectly good option.
As I drove myself to the hospital, I just felt differently
then I had been before. There was a nagging sense of dread that was just
starting to creep over my conscious. True, I never really want to go to these
appointments, but just the thought of going through the whole cycle one more
time was weighing heavy on me. When I go solo to appointments I have a necklace
that Kris gave me I like to wear; it’s my way of having him with me when he
can’t be. From the time I parked my car I was fumbling around with it almost
non-stop. By the time I had made it into the lab to have my blood draw, my
stomach was upset and I was just doing my best to hold back tears. I feel like
I have made it so far in this process being strong and being okay with whatever
was going to happen to me, but something was just finally starting to crack.
I went back with the nurse to have my blood drawn from my
port, something that has been a little bit of an ordeal the last few times its
been attempted. Apparently my body is very good at recognizing foreign objects
and wanting nothing to do with them. The line in the port that connects with my
blood stream has been blocked the last two times the nurses have tried to
access it. This results in attempting to clear the line with saline multiple
times before using something that breaks down proteins and can open up the line
again. One of my favorite nurses referred to it as “Drain-o, but for your
veins.” (side note, it should totally be called vein-o). Everything is administered
into the port by syringe, and every time the saline is put in I get a very
sickly metallic taste in my mouth and nose. This whole process goes on for
upwards of 30 to 45 minutes. It’s not what I would call a pleasant experience,
but it’s not the worst either. The nurse and I were all geared up to deal with
another blockage in the blood line, and the blood flowed perfectly on the first
try. It was a very good sign that things were looking up for me. It also
further proves my theory that the more prepared you are, the less likely you’ll
need to use your back up materials. Anyway…
From the lab I travel down the hallway to Dr. T’s office. I
was feeling better thanks to the quick blood draw but my stomach was still
upset and I was just down. Every minute I spent sitting alone waiting for the
doctor felt worse and worse. You know when you’re just having a horrible day,
and it won’t stop, and you just feel on the verge of tears from everything? It
was just that feeling creeping over me alone in reception. It was not good. I finally
got called back, got my weight and blood pressure checked, and was once again
alone in a room waiting. Dr. T finally arrived and asked me how things were going
and it was all I could do to keep from sobbing my answer at her. Instead of my usual
conversation on how meds are doing I cracked and just said, “This last round of
chemo was so terrible, I don’t know if I can handle going through all of this
again.” I just opened up about the overwhelming nausea and pain my body was in
and how I didn’t even feel human while I was going through it. Dr. T listening
sympathetically and after expressing her condolence, stopped to think for a
moment. “Well, from here there are a few courses of action we can take.” Just
hearing her say that sparked a small flame of hope deep inside of me. I figured
there was nothing that could be done; I would just have to suck up the hellacious
treatment one more time. But now, there was a chance, however small it may be,
that this time could be different.
Dr. T spent the next few minutes going over my lab results
from my most recent blood test, (it is amazing how fast they can get results, I
can’t even get a pizza that quickly.) the write up that was done post surgery
on the tumor that was removed in surgery, and her note from past appointments
on how I had been doing with treatment. From all of this we got into a
discussion of the path of cancer treatment. One of the nice things about breast
cancer is the fact that since it is so common, there is a pretty clear pathway
you are set on once diagnosed. The chemo pathway was 4 treatments of A.C. and 4
treatments of Taxol. However this is just the overall guidelines of what people
normally do. Dr. T. informed me that because of all my test results and how god
awful the side effects of the A.C. treatments were on me, that I wouldn’t need
the 4th A.C. treatment. As soon as those words were spoken I felt
like the world’s largest weight had been lifted off my chest and I started to
cry out of joy. No words can possibly explain how awful going through those
treatments are and to be told I didn’t have to do the last one was the best
news I had gotten since I started this whole mess.
Dr. T told me there are a lot of factors that went into her
decision to forgo the last round of treatment. If my tumor had been 8 inches,
or the lymph nodes were positive then I would have just had to suck it up and
deal with the last treatment. Also my age was a factor in all of this as well.
Apparently the younger the patient the worse the side effects of chemo are. I
guess 55 year old women going through the same treatment can get by with one
small anti nausea med and be just fine. Her theory is that younger women haven’t
had to process as many drugs through their bodies before and are just hit
harder by the chemo meds. I also learned that alcoholics have the easiest time
with nausea while going through chemo, which to me is just fascinating. So my
young healthy body is to blame for taking the meds so harshly, but I am assured
it’s a good thing in the long run as my body is healing itself much more efficiently
than my older counterparts. Anyway, the
point is my quality of life was in the toilet, literally, while on that
treatment. Dr. T said what it really boils down to for me is that if my cancer
is going to return, it will return whether I have 3 treatments or 4, so there
is no need to keep putting my body through hell. It’s a bit of a downer to
think of it in those terms, and it doesn’t mean she thinks I will get cancer
again. Remember all of these treatments are just a numbers game, and my numbers
won’t change by forcing myself through another horrendous A.C. chemo treatment.
Now this doesn’t mean that I’m completely out of the woods
as far as chemo goes. I’ve still got the 4 taxol treatment to live through. It should
be the same schedule of one treatment every two weeks, blood draw appointment
the day before, and booster shot the day after. However, the taxol treatments
are supposed to be much much much easier going on my body than the previous
treatments. Where the A.C. treatments are one of the harshest on the GI track
causing a lot of nausea, mouth sores, and intestinal distress, the taxol
treatments are on the low end with most people experiencing no nausea at all! (If
that statement doesn’t excite you, allow me to be overly excited for you!) Now
I was told it’s still a possibility, so don’t go throwing all the anti nausea
meds in the trash just yet, but my chances are very very good that it won’t be
an issue any longer. The taxol’s main
side effects are fatigue and a general achy soreness in the bones. There is
also an increased chance of hair loss, so all the lovely fuzz that’s still on
my head might be out of here, as well as my eyebrows. Between nausea that is so
bad you can’t get out of bed and losing the remainder of my hair, I will gladly
take the hair loss.
The original plan was to have me start the taxol treatments
today in place of the final A.C. treatment. However, since it’s a new chemo
treatment I need to get pre-approval for it with my insurance so I don’t have
to pay the exorbitant costs out of pocket. Since it takes a few days for
approval to go through, my first treatment is scheduled for next Thursday (the
27th). I basically get a week off between chemo treatments that I just
get to feel healthy and alive! It also happens to coincide with Kris’s spring
break from school. I cannot properly express how excited I am to have time off
from chemo with Kris where we both have absolutely nothing to do. Instead of
sad and nervous I just feel happy and hopeful. I know the next round of
treatments aren’t going to be a walk in the park, but according to my doctors,
other patients I’ve talked to, and the oh so reliable internets, these
treatments are much easier to deal with. I will still have 4 of the taxol
treatments, but I’m starting them a week earlier then I originally had
scheduled. To me, this is yet more good news because that bumps up my final
chemo treatment by a week as well! So instead of being done on May 15th,
I’ll be done with all of this crap on the 8th! That then give me 3
weeks to fully recover for my birthday! It sounds silly but I’m so happy that I’ll
be completely done with chemo by my birthday. I feel better knowing that cancer
will only be present during one year of my life. 28 will be the year I found
and beat cancer, 29 I will be a survivor.
So to recap, I’m not having the 4th A.C. chemo
treatment. I have a fantastic week off with Kris where all I have to do is feel
good. I start my taxol treatments on the 27th, and I am completely
done with chemo on the 8th of May!
Everything is going
very well and things are looking up. Hooray!
No comments:
Post a Comment